


Oh Noes! (chapter 78/?)

by GreenBryn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Animal Transformation, Crack, Implied Beastality, In the original warning I only warned for Leopard sex, Intentional Badfic, Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar, M/M, Mpreg, Part of me wishes that I never wrote this, Skullfucking, badfic, challenge: badfic idol, like really really bad, wincon 2010
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-17
Updated: 2010-10-17
Packaged: 2018-09-14 17:50:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9196718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenBryn/pseuds/GreenBryn
Summary: Dean saves the world through unusual methods, while Sam thinks that Dean turned himself into a leopard and tries to save him. Written for Badfic Idol atwincon2010.





	

**Title:** Oh Noes! (chapter 78/?)  
 **Author:** [](http://brynspikess.livejournal.com/profile)[**brynspikess**](http://brynspikess.livejournal.com/)  
 **Summary:** Dean saves the world through unusual methods, while Sam thinks that Dean turned himself into a leopard and tries to save him. Written for Badfic Idol at [](http://wincon.livejournal.com/profile)[**wincon**](http://wincon.livejournal.com/) 2010.  
 **Warnings:** In the original warning I only warned for Leopard sex, but here I'll give you a little more head's up: Dean/Lucifer, Sam/Leopard/Llama!Castiel/Yak!Adam, implied beastality, skullfucking, and mpreg.  
 **Huge Thanks To:** [](http://laser-radiation.livejournal.com/profile)[**laser_radiation**](http://laser-radiation.livejournal.com/) for putting up with me while I was working to finish this up before the deadline. Thank you babe!

Once upon a time, three world-weary hunters plotted to defeat Lucifer. Cronus hobbled past as they pouring over dusty tombs, inhaling spores from long-dead trees as they sorted ancient books into piles: 'worthless waste of valuable time', 'so misinformed the author should be shot on sight', and 'no help whatsoever, in fact, less help than a donkey crapping foil-wrapped chocolate coins'. They were about to give up and spend the night before the Apocalypse casting depressed sighs and long emo-riffic _looks_ at each other until Judgment Day (It's a lot like Valentine's Day – there're a lot of bribes traded and people crying at the end), when Scruffy Mechanic's hardened gaze fell like a free-falling whale on the stack of documents that had been in the middle of his desk all along.

"Does it say how to defeat him?" Once-vessel of Michael peered at the obscure text, but symbols were mumbo-jumbo. He preferred heat of a hunt, sweat and adrenaline of battle over this stagnant researching.

Trucker-hatted man rumbled, "Good news or bad news?"

"Cut the suspense, Bobbi. How do we kill him?" Shaggyhair said, popping open beer and chugging it. T'was night before Apocalypse, no sense letting good beer go 2 waste if existence would be wiped from creation tomorrow.

Booby huffed @ their impatientness, "Two parts involved in order to kill the Devil, and these acts have to occur simultaneously. The easy part is relatively straightforward: Michael's Sword must pierce brain of Lucifer while Lucifer is trapped in his host."

Handprinted One shared a glance with Demonblood Drinker that was worth a million words before speaking the very question that had passed between them, which, oddly enough, was only comprised of nine words, "That doesn't sound too hard. What's the hard part?"

"You have to know Lucifer," the oldest man of the group replied, his finger tracing underneath the various symbols and squiggly marks.

"That's the bad news? Check that one off the list." The cock-sure hunter grinned, but the look on the grizzly older man's face made the smile fade away like fresh dew under a vicious, unyielding sun.

"Not that easy, hot-shot," the trucker-capped hunter of evil and undead things (except when they come in the form of his late wife) stated with a confidence befitting his many, many, many years.

The Man Who Broke The First Seal And Still Felt Really Bad About It frowned. "What do you mean? We've seen him, hell, we even talked to him. What, do we have to find out his favorite color too? My money is on red."

"No, you idjit. This is the _Bible_." Bobby paused for emphasis, but Dean and Sam stared back at him blankly. "You have to get to know him _biblically_."

Sam spit out the mouthful of beer while Dean stood frozen in mute horror. "He has to _WHAT_?" Sam spluttered.

The bearded man grimaced under his lush, vibrant beard, "Don't make me say it again."

~*~

LATER THE NEXT DAY…

Sam awoke mid-day to rough tongue licking his face. At first he happy but then “WTF IS THAT!?!?!?” the hardened hunter screamed, jerking away from big cat. OMG, LEOPARD WAS LICKING HIS FACE!!!!!!!!111!!!1

“That's Dean.” say Bobby. He'd raised pet since kittyhood, named after RealDean, and knew leopard no hurt Sam. But Sam no seen Leopard before! “I be back later, gotta stuff to do.” He left.

“Oh Noes Dean!” Sam cry. They had animal spell as last resort, but Sam no want cat as big brother! Cat no drive!

Leopard!Dean meow, nudge good-smelling human. “Oh, Dean…” Sam see love in the leopard's warm, brandy orbs, know it is his brother. Recognize the lust. “We can't! It would be wrong!”

Leopard!Dean growl and pounce on Sam, pinning him to bed…

~*~  
ELSWHERE AT THE SAME TIME…

Dean approached the hill upon with Lucifer stood with an air of determination with a whiff of whisky. “Yo! Lucy! We gonna do this thing or not?” He unzipped his pants and unsheathed Michael's Sword, sparking in sunshine.

~*~

Sam pushed his cat brother off, “No, Dean! I make you better!” He search for spell to turn Dean back!

Sam work on spell, ignoring leopard snuffing his crotch. He almost done with spell when Castiel appear! “Sam, Dean is-“

Sam finish spell but, oh noes! Castiel turned into llama! Dean still leopard! Castiel bleats, but Sam no understand. “I fix this!” Sam cry, doing spell again. This time Sam cut, using his blood to fix his brother! Spell is cast, but oh noes! Yak has appeared! “Who are you?” Sam cry. Yak grunted. Spell was for brother, but brother still leopard! That means… “Adam?” Sam say. Yak-brother grunts. “OH NOES!” Sam cry! He must fix this!

~*~

Lucy is icky, covered in sores and ooze. Dean is disgusted but world in danger! He must save world! Dean grab Nostril of Satan and shove his Sword in!

~*~  
NotReallyDeanJustNormalHornyLeopard try to lick Sam through jeans. Sam's willpower weakened! “I will save u!” Sam cry, but tongue so rough! So sexy! Sam can't resist! Sam and Leopard make hothot sex, and Yak join in. Hot Winchester Threesome! Brothers forever! LlamaCas watch with head tilt, then join too. Sam having best time ever! Hot animal orgy! He feel so filled! Soft fur and wiry hair make him shiver! Sam cry out when he reach happyhappy place, spraying the heavens with his liquid seed fountain! Sam so happy!

~*~

Dean grunt! In! In! Out! In! Michael Sword Peirce Lucifer's Brain! Dean cry, holy cum of righteousness boil Lucy to death! Yay! World is saved! Dean so happy!

~*~

Castiel love being llama! Castiel's love pucker so sore! Castiel love all of God's creatures! Castiel so happy!

~*~

NEXT CHAPTER: Why is Dean driving a segway? Oh noes! Castiel has llama leukemia! Oh noes! Sam is pregnant and dunno who father is! Oh noes! How to raise baby Leo-llama-yaks?!?!?!?!11?1!1

Please review! Will post next chapter when I get 10 comments! !!!1!  



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